Stiffy & Bitchy
STIFFY
& BITCHY
dead inside. loud outside.
Two undead troublemakers with no filter and worse manners. Every shirt is a punchline you can wear — printed to order in the USA on soft black tees.
SHOP THE LINE
Printed in the USA — no import step, so nothing to charge you at the door.
THE DEAD PAIR
● ● ●
BITCHY
DECEASED · UNBOTHERED
Died at 27 doing something stupid at a music festival. Came back with better hair and a much shorter fuse. Rainbow streaks, gold eyes, full sleeves — half of them she got before, half after, and she genuinely cannot tell you which.
Runs on caffeine and spite. Has worked every job going and quit all of them loudly. Does not do small talk, morning people, or being perceived before noon.
“I'm not moody. I'm decomposing.”
BIG STIFF
DECEASED · STILL CLOCKED IN
Went down on a job site and got right back up, because the work wasn't finished. Built like a brick outhouse and missing a few parts he insists were optional anyway.
Plumbing, roofing, HVAC, towing, demolition — he's done all of it, and he has a filthy slogan for every single trade. Cheerfully unemployable. Absolutely reliable.
“Rigor mortis has its perks.”
HOW THEY MET
Both after. Neither remembers whose idea it was. They've been bickering across every cookout, jobsite, bar and graveyard since — and somehow it works. She does the talking. He does the lifting. Nobody asks them back twice.
THE WALL
SPOOKY SEASON STARTS WHEN WE SAY IT DOES
A Halloween costume lasts one night. A Stiffy & Bitchy shirt gets worn all October. Order by Oct 16 for Halloween delivery.
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